Love & Romance

I think my outlook on love and romance is going to keep me from ever finding love and romance.

I have very strong ideals about these types of things, and would be considered a hopeless romantic by some people (including myself). The fact that I put everything on such a high pedestal makes it much harder for me to ever reveal my feelings to anyone I like. It's like when you're a little kid, and you know there are some cookies on top of the refrigerator, but the only way to get to those cookies you want so much is to do a dangerous balancing act on the back of a chair. I suppose most people are willing to risk the pain just to get those cookies. Unfortunately, I don't want to be hurt, so I do without, thinking that to be the best route to choose.

Any girl I even somewhat like becomes automatically untouchable. I'll talk to them, and I'll do what I can to use my charm and wit, but that only ends in us being friends, because I'm never willing to stand on that fucking chair. So I get to look at them from afar, just thinking about them, and all the things I could do to show them how much I care. All this thinking ends up making them even more of an unattainable goal.

People say that all I need to do is just show a little confidence, but I don't know how, since I don't have anything to be confident about. I would have to have some sort of victory of some sort in my past in order to be confident. So there's no way to be confident at first. It's like some horrible endless cycle. I can't be confident because I've never successfully asked a girl out, and I can't ask a girl out because I have no confidence.

I'm thinking that I should accept that nobody will ever think of me as more than a friend (fat uggo, blah blah blah), and just stop thinking about those things. It's possible to go on living without a girl to care for, a girl who cares for me. I may never feel complete, but maybe I'm not meant to be completely happy. I mean, my whole plan of recording songs when I get my laptop back would probably benefit from all this heartfelt material. Probably not, though.

Is it bad that I never think of anything sexual, and usually daydream about being able to hold someone in my arms, maybe sit with them on the couch watching tv, snuggled up, her head on my shoulder, my head leaning on her head? Having a feeling of perfect contentment in the world? I'm guessing it's probably bad. Most guys don't talk about that stuff. All I ever hear come out of people's mouths when it comes to relationships is sex. I don't even care that much about sex. BIG SURPRISE.

God, the self-pity levels on this blog must be off the charts. I'm sorry if you (whoever you are) took time out of your busy busy schedule to read this. I don't have a time machine, so you'll be forced to live with your mistakes. You can at least take joy in the fact that you're doing better than I am. (This could be a lie, in which case, I'm very sorry.)

Okay, well, even though I have a whole lot more that I could say to continue feeling bad for myself, I'm gonna cut myself off here. Have a nice day.