A SHORT CELLPHONE TALE: There once was an ugly boy. An ugly ugly boy. He spent his days moping about how ugly he was, and his nights thinking of ways to not be so ugly. On one such night, a pretty pretty angel came into the room where he was thinking. She took one look at him and said, "I have just what you need. Hold out your hands." The boy did as he was told. The angel waved her magic angel shit (figuratively), and a 44 magnum appeared in his hands. "This will make things better," the angel spouted, and then she left. That night, suicide was invented, and the world has been a happier place since. THE END.